Saturday, August 8, 2020

Goodbye sweet girl

 This can’t be real. This can’t be real.

I’m lost in a sea of despair. My beloved Hanna is gone. Nothing feels real.

My shadow. My best friend. My anchor. Keeping me tethered to happiness. My dream come true. I truly could not have loved her more, I did want to love her longer. I can hear her breathing, hear her walking in our halls. She was always beside me, right by my side. I was never lonely. 

It feels like being adrift at sea, and the waves of sadness crash over and over and I can’t breathe. I come to the surface, remember, she’s gone, and I drown all over again. It’s fresh. It’s raw. My heart is ripped wide open. 

Hanna, squishy bear, my love. I love you. I love you. You’re my best friend. I’ll never stop missing you. Never stop loving you.

I don’t even know why I’m writing all this here, except I felt like she deserved a tribute. Speak it out loud into the universe what she meant to me. To us. To our family. She was our compass, guiding us towards happiness. And now I feel lost without her. She profoundly changed my life. In the best possible way. She saved me a million times over, and it wrecks me that I couldn’t save her back. We did everything we possibly could and more. 

She’s my best friend. Goodbye sweet Hanna. Squishy. Goodbye. 

Thursday, July 23, 2020


It feels like we are bringing home for the first time again.
5 days without you by my side is 5 days too many.
The scariest week, hearts ripped wide open.
Can not wait to mend them with you by my side.
I love you forever squishy bear.

Monday, May 25, 2020


Right on schedule with one post a year.
My sweet Hanna. I love you so. We are trying to figure out 
what's not working on the inside. I won't stop until its better.

Wild times in the world. 
Hope everyone is doing the best they can out there. 
This too shall pass.