I don't know how my parent's have lived through a three year plus renovation. I am almost 1 month in and I am losing it. And my BF is doing all the hard work. I find it heart breaking to see him to so tired from it all. I wish I could do more to help, but aside from errands and making him meals, my help falls a little short.
I am waiting for my studio to come together. My sewing machine and serger are still in there boxes. I miss them, I feel stiffled. I need to start to make things, I have ideas, I must use them. The longer my studio is based on the floor the more anxious I get.
No matter how much I sleep, I am still so tired. All the time. Emotionally, I feel weak, a little beaten. Alot, and I mean alot has changed for me this year. I haven't had too much time to notice how much, and when I take a minute to realize it, I freak out. And stop thinking about it again.
Sometimes I feel like I am standing on the edge of my own personnal sanity, and when I look to far ahead, I get really shaky and scared.
I feel so at home in my home, more then anywhere, I have ever been, but it is still in such a so much to do area, it is wearing me down.
Do you ever have those days where you feel like you have taken all you can, handled things the way you should, been where you should have gone and doing what you need to do? And all you really want to do, is close your eyes, and just stop?
I don't mean stop everything, I just mean, stop the noise, stop the unknown.
Every night is spent on it, but when you know the payoff, it is not discouraging, but incouraging. Knowing what is to come, with our first home, that holds all the things we love, and even some things I don't need, maybe love but don't need.
I have an unusally hard time throwing away anything. And I mean anything....but that is not without saying I have given away a tonne of clothing, like quite literally, a tonne.
And yet I still have to much, "stuff," but it's my stuff. Somehow I need it. To remind of a good time, even a sad time, it just reminds me. My memory is ok, but I forget alot and get reminded of it by looking through what I have accumilated up until this point. I am by no means a horder. I don't live in Chaos, the total opposite.
I need clean lines, orginzation, everything in just the right spot. The rest, the things I can't get rid of get put into storage, which I don't look at. Which totally contradicts what I have said.
Do you have anything like that in your life, things you don't need, but still, need?
I am sorry for the lull in posting... but with good reason it has happened. Home ownership. It is a lot of work.
My boyfriend and I bought our first home together. When I say boyfriend, I wish I could have a name that had a deeper impact to it. It wasn't done on a whim, where we thought buying a house would be cool. We have been with each other for almost 4 years, living together for 3, in an apartment we had outgrown. He is my partner, my love, my hope and my future.
We won't have interent until the 8th, so until then my post will be snuck in between phones call and tasks at work.
We moved in on the 30th of December, admist all the Christmas Cheer. Scott worked so hard to make out house into a home. I helped in painting, cleaning and screwing down the floor to get rid of as many squeaks as possible. My hands are still numb from it.
So alas all the work, and all the sacrafices to be made to live in our home, it is by far, one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done.
Have a I mentioned we will have a stage/dancefloor?